Have you ever woken up in the morning wishing you could go right back to sleep? Have you ever dreaded what lied ahead so much that you became nauseated with distress? Have you ever gone to work and spent the entire day thinking about the life you were better fit to live? Well if you said yes to any of these things, we have a lot in common because I've had every single one these thoughts and more!
When I lost my job now over a year ago, I went through the initial shock and a feeling of rejection. How could they let me go? I had what some may call a prestigious job and professional/political network at my disposal. This opportunity had come at a critical point in my life and career; it was a new and exciting time for me. The problem was, I STILL didn’t know it. I remember waking up in the morning thinking, what’s my purpose? How will I make my life better today? I was still not satisfied. For the last year and a half, I was sure it wasn't where I wanted to be. I dreamed of leaving and finding that dream job or that dream project. I fantasized about being my own boss. I envisioned myself calling my own shots and not waiting for someone to give me permission. But thinking it and actually doing it, can at times be two very different things. All of a sudden my layoff was giving me an opportunity to see my dreams more vividly than I truly believed possible, and I was scared to death.
Initially I did what most people would do after losing their job...I looked for a new one. But what I realized was the job market and the failing economy wasn't my biggest problem. My biggest problem was the problem I had been carrying with me for the last 12 years of my life...me.
Here's my metaphor: I started playing the violin when I was 8 yrs old. My reasons for choosing the violin were not profound- I thought it would be cool. Plus, if you were in the orchestra, it gave you an opportunity to get out of class 30-45 minutes out the day for practice. It took me several years before I realized that my natural talent no longer put me at the top and I could be much better with individualized, private lessons. I did get better- much better in fact. I was even fortunate enough to find an instructor with broad, unique talent that inspired me to meet significant goals. She even began encouraging me to explore a more creative side of the violin by incorporating jazz into my repertoire. How exciting! But just as the door was opening, I put my foot in the way and closed it shut tight!! Why...you guessed it...fear of having exactly what I always wanted! I'm sure that wasn't what you thought, but it's true. My subconscious thoughts told me my success would set expectation for more success; success I eventually may not be able to deliver and then that would be the end of me. I haven't REALLY played the violin since 1998.
Choices can put you in darkness when your soul longs for the light. Its only when you resolve to wake up each day to a new beginning, a new mind. There is nothing written that says you must conform to the old ways of living. You can start to choose thoughts that are filled with joy and abundance, not sadness and lack.
"As you are lifted to this higher vibration of living, you attract only that which is good for all that comes into your conscious thoughts. You are the Rembrandt of your life. Today, paint a masterpiece." -The Science of Mind, p.46
Today is a new day.
